Pratiti Bhopal 2017- Debopriya's reflections

discussions during sessions

 As I think of my experiences in Bhopal, I know I have a myriad of learning and even a more staggering number of emotions to jot down.  It started with the place where we stayed ‘Gandhi Bhawan’ which was pleasant and something which completely embraced me in all way. In between, a constant thought inside me was ‘how will the fellows be?’’ if everyone will turn up or not?’.  The first evening after we reached Bhopal I kept wondering what the city is like? By then I had seen the biggest slum area of Bhopal with Ashish and Saba, who are also PFP members. After that day now the first day of the session was almost about to start.

when everyone is equal

Fellows were all geared up and a little anxious about what would happen in the workshop.  They had a series of questions just bubbling inside them “What is Gender exactly? Why are we here? Will it help in our career? What will be its impact?” in between some even asked me “ma’am kab tak khatam hoga?” (The ma’am transformed into didi now and I am their good friend, which I will try to be).  The session started with an introduction in which the fellows were suppose to say their name and likings. While this task sounds simple it isn’t easy to open up infront of people one might not know beyond mere acquaintances, due to which many were dragged out of their comfort zones.  Most of the introductions consisted of their name and organization from which they belonged to, which again shows how they feel secured with the name of the organizations.\

old and new fellows together

As the session continued there were a lot of activities for the fellows to participate and to get jumbled up into different groups and the making of new friend’s starts there. Slowly and gradually their comfort zone was being a Pratiti fellow. Being a Pratiti fellow, their first day went well and with the popcorn session where they could say their own experience through out the day most of them shared what they felt, I would want to add how Sana Khan, who constantly felt that how girls were being caged and stereotyped “लड़किया अपने बात शेयर नहीं कर पाना, शर्म आना, डर बैठ जाना अपने आप मे। वर्कशॉप के बाद कहीं न कहीं मे खुद को खुलकर प्रकट कर पा रही हूं|”

trying to absorb

When the next day started, it was all more lively face and they had lesser questions or questions in a simpler version. They started talking about things like how ‘dance’ makes them happy but didn’t know about it. A girl Arshi, who likes police force, how in all way it attracts her and so in the third day when she got the opportunity to play a character in a small play(which was a part of their activity, in the session)  she chose her character as a police person and she was brilliant in it. This is one of many instances that I can probably share.

discussion with the organization's leader

When the last day came the fellows had all such mixed feelings like one side the happiness and confidence of learning new things and on the other side they have to leave this space after today and my feelings were not less than theirs. But it ended with good things like  Amreen who said “मैं भी उसी मे शामिल  थी, आब मे  भी समझती हु, आज मैंने पहचाना आपने आप को ” while  Sunny says “मेरे आस  पास  साड़ी चीज़े हो रही थी, लेकिन मैंने कभी कुछ नहीं करा। अब मे भी  उन चीज़ों को समझता हु और सवाल कर सकता हु , चीज़ों को होने से रोक सकता हु   ” (चीज़ों he means stereotypical practices around him) Parallel-y our Trans gender participant Sanjana Singh Rajput said “हमे पैदा होते ही  घर से कियू  ले लिया जाता है और कहीं ओर रख दिया जाता है, क्या हमे हॉक नहीं है की  हम भी अपने माता पिता के साथ अपनी बचपन या ज़िंदगी शेयर करें “ That day ended well and for me, though it was not only about a day or 3 day session rather it was about feeling a  lot of different things and holding each second of mine learning, making new friends and looking around the city. When I said looking around the city, I also meant something.  It adds  Mahadevi Verma’s mural some 0.5m away from the place where I stayed and that reminds me of a line from her poem पंथ होने दो अपरिचित, प्राण रहने दो अकेला।

we all are together

Nazmeen Khan- Why I'm working on gender/with PFP

प्रतीति सफर में मैने शुरुआत वहाँ से की जहाँ मुझे लोगो से बहुत डर लगता था,मझे लगता था कि सभी अकड़ू और लड़ने वाले होते हैं कोई किसी से सही से बात नही करता होगा, सही से किसी के सवालो के जवाब भी नही देते होंगे , किसी से भी कुछ भी पूछने पर मज़ाक बनाते होंगे, इस तरह के सवाल मेरे मन में आते थे, बहार किसी पर भी भरोसा करना आसान नही था,सबको एक ही निगाह से देखती थी,लेकिन जब मैने अपनी पहली क्लास ली तो मझे काफी कुछ पता लगा की ऐसा क्यों होता है ? क्योंके मेने अपने मन में कही न कही जेंडर का खौफ बैठा रख्खा था | प्रतीति ने मेरे अंदर से इस खौफ को निकाला । इस में मेरे सभी सवालो के जवाब मिले यहाँ तक के लोग अपनी मन घडत कहानियां खुद बना लेते हैं ये भी पता लगा | प्रतीति में एक्टिविटीज़ के ज़रिये समझाया गया जो समझ में भी आसानी से आ रहा था जैसे देर रात तक बहार नही जाना और लड़कियों को घर पर ही रहना चाहिए बहार नही जाना चाहिए यह सब हमारे साथ जेंडर की वजह से होता है। साथ ही साथ लोगो ने खुद से ये मान्यताएँ बनाई हैं जो हम अपने ऊपर लगते हुए देखते हैं।क्लास के वक़्त ऐसा लगा की हाँ ये वाकई में होता होगा की लड़कियों पर या लड़को पर कुछ बातें ज़बरदस्ती डाली जाती हैं ये कह कर की ये हमारे बड़े बुज़ुर्ग भी क्या करते थे या ये सदियो से चला आ रहा है। 


इस बीच मझे इस बात का भी पता चला की ये मान्यताएँ आई कहा से हैं ? तो ये लोगो ने खुद से बनाई हूँ जैसे:- ये कहा जाता है की लड़की घर की इज़त होती है,लेकिन मेरा मानना है कि लड़की नही "घर के लोग घर की इज़ात होते हैं"।
 
तो इस तरह की मान्यताएँ लोगो ने बना रखी हैं।धीरे धीरे ये सच महसूस होने लगा की हाँ ये मान्यताएँ बनाई गई हैं। तभी मेने सोच लिया था कि इस तरह की मान्यताओं को मझे हटाना है।इसी लिए मेने प्रतीति का हिस्सा बनने के लिए अप्लाई किया क्योंके मझे इससे काफी कुछ सीखने के लिए मिला।

अब में इस सफर को आगे तक ले जाना चाहती हूँ ताके लोगो को इस बारे में बता सहकूँ की जैसा हम सोचते हैं वही सही नही होता बहुत बार हमें ऐसा लगता है कि जो हम सोच रहे हैं वही सच है लेकिन ऐसा नही होता हर कोई अलग होता है कोई एक जैसा नही होता । इसी तरह लोग लड़के और लड़कियों में जो फर्क करते हैं ये भी सही नही है ये उन्होंने अपने दिमाग में मान्यता बना रखी हैं कि लड़कियाँ घर की इज़्ज़त होती हैं,लड़के घर के वारिस या लडकियों का घर से बहार जाना थीक नही,उनकी काम उम्र में शादी करना या वो घर को चला नही सकती,ये सब मान्यताएँ है बल्कि इतनी ही नही और भी बहुत सी हैं जो सभी फॉलो करते हैं।
 
बस ऐसी मान्यताओं को हटाना चाहती हूँ में जो असल में हैं ही नही। प्रतीति के दौरान मेने काफी जगहों पर जाकर लोगो से बात की और जेंडर जैसे मसलो को सुलझाने की कोशी की। मेने अपने सभी दोस्तों को इस बारे में बताया और जेंडर जैसी बड़ी परेशानी को दूर करने के लये आगे कदम बढ़ाया। मेरे लिए लड़का लड़की एक सम्मान हैं इनमे कोई फर्क नही। मैं इसी बदलाव को अपनी ज़िन्दगी, परिवार,महो्ल्ले और अपने शहर में करना चाहती हूँ जिसकी शुरुआत मेने अपने इस प्रतीति के सफर से शुरू कर दी है।

PFP meets Nari Utthan and Svackshee – two organizations working on women livelihoods in Alwar

The aspirant of the night is alone, the work merely a bubbly tale; a journeyman funneling ideas into gemstones

Teachers call it copy, we call it Teamwork

Since PFP has started working in Alwar, it has been an out an out new experience for our team – of knowing about new organizations, of understanding new ground realities and of meeting new people with diverse perspectives. One such recent experience has been the staff-training workshop conducted with participants from Nari Utthan and Svackshee in November. These participants, both women and men work on issues of women empowerment, women livelihoods and girls education and primarily work in their own communities.

Our promise was to deliver value before profit

Our facilitators tried to create space for the participants to not only learn about new concepts around gender, but also for them to reflect on their own beliefs, attitudes and fears around the social change that they are working towards. The participants could identify that they need to embody the change that they are propagating and it was also clear to them that this is a process that requires much self-work and effort. Some participants showed enthusiasm about adopting the values of empathy, non-violence and gender peace in their personal life and professional activities. One of the participants, Rashmi Singhal who has been working on health for the last decade shares her experiences here -

Reality and the imagination are intertwined, they are very similar

दिनांक 22/11/2016  से 24/11/2016 तक जेंडर पर ट्रेनिंग की गई। यह ट्रेनिंग मेरे लिए बेहत ही जानकारीपूर्ण रही इस ट्रेनिंग में मैंने जेंडर और सेक्स में अंतर, समाजीकरण, सामाजिक शक्ति, समानुभूति और हिंसा, समाज में उपलब्ध मान्यताएं व जेंडर पीस के बारे में धीरे-धीरे समूहों में चर्चा की व खेलों के माध्यम से जानकारी उपलब्ध करी । सच और सोच के बारे में भी विस्तृत जानकारी मिली। पहले कई जेंडर ट्रेनिंग में मेरी सहभाग्यता रही है और जेंडर पर भी ट्रेनिंग दूसरे NGO के माध्यम से प्राप्त करी  है परंतु PFP संस्था द्वारा इतनी गहराई में जेंडर के बारे में जानकारी दी जो अन्य संस्थाओ की ट्रेनिंग के दौरान हमें प्राप्त नहीं हुई। जो भी इन तीन दिनों में मुझे सीखने को मिला उसे अपने जीवन में मैं उतारूंगी और मेरे फील्ड में भी लोगों को जेंडर के बारे में जागरूक करुँगी । पिछले इन तीन दिनों में बहुत सीखने को मिला। मैं बहुत खुशनसीब हूँ कि मैंने इस ट्रेनिंग में सहभागी बन कर भाग लिया। मैं आभारी हूँ PFP संस्था की जिसने मुझे जेंडर व अन्य टॉपिक्स पर भी विस्तृत जानकारी दी|

If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants

मैंने PFP की ट्रेनिंग से यह सीखा कि हिंसा सहना और करना दोनों ही गलत है। और यह भी पता चला कि किन-किन बातों से हम हिंसा जाने अनजाने में भी न चाहते हुए भी कर रहे हैं | इसके बारे में पता चला तो यह प्रण लिया कि अपने जीवन में हिंसा ना करुँगी ना सहूंगी । मैंने लड़का-लड़की में जो सामाजिक अंतर था उसके बारे में भी जाना और मैंने अपने बच्चों को भी बताया कि अगर तुम्हें कोई भी लड़का लड़की होने का सन्देश कहीं से भी मिलता हो तो उसे रोकना चाहिए | मेरे लिए लड़का लड़की में कोई अंतर नहीं है । दोनों को ही बराबर मौका मिलता हो | मैं इसी बदलाव का प्रयास अपने परिवार में करुँगी और समाज में भी जागरूकता का काम करुँगी |

None of us is as smart as all of us

It is a long way to go for us to create a generation of changemakers who not only work towards development of these communities but also enable transformation of discriminatory beliefs that lead to violation of human rights on an everyday basis. But it is a beginning that we have reached places where the term gender is often misunderstood, and where the notion of equality if often only mythical. It gives us hope that women and men are coming together in our spaces to talk about systems that affect all of us.

We will meet the participants again in a few weeks and are looking forward to hear their stories, and share some with you !

Gender Peace Workshop with Ibtada, Alwar

The day started...

People for parity organized a three day residential workshop from 12^th November to 14^th November, 2016 with one of its partner organizations, Ibtada on gender specific capacity building in Alwar. Ibtada works to strengthen communities especially women to play an influential role to reduce social and economic poverty and inequality. People for parity organized workshop focusing on the capacity building of the staff which helped them to have a better understanding on gender through self awareness. Total 23 members of Ibtada attended the workshop.

On paths, path shall we discover….

The workshop started with some warm up activities followed by self introduction session to create a friendly ambiance. Before starting the major sessions to understand their expectations or moment thoughts, we spent a little time to know each other’s expectations from this workshop. After that we came up with some mutual agreements which should be followed throughout the three day workshop.

For showing them any bigger picture or any different perspective on Gender, the clarification or the knowledge of the difference between the two terms- sex and gender should be clear to them. Hence to create the understanding a small activity was done where they had to give their agreement on the statement written on a chit. This activity reflected their perception towards sex and gender, what definition or understanding they had in their mind regarding this. Once it was cleared, the session was followed by Chinese whisper game to understand the interpretation and evolution of the social messages we receive as our culture to define the identity of gender. Then there was a discussion on the source of gender disparity, how it started and became an epidemic.  After that, to make them reflect on their daily life and to understand its influence we did a small group activity where we tried to figure out or recognize the disparity of the social messages for holding a particular gender identity. It helped them to understand the evolution of gender in the society.

I am…

As they gradually started understanding the visible disparity in society’s thoughts, belief – empathy was introduced to them. The most notable thing was being activists they were aware of sympathy and considered it as one the best approach to show in a vulnerable situation. This session led them to an inner transformation, showed them a different dimension to have the kind of perception toward things. Seema ji, one of the staff members, stated, “We often fail to empathize with our co workers as we never tried to listen to their side of story rather we did not try to realize them. We are so self centric that we always think of finishing our given tasks without understanding their vulnerability. But social sector is a place where this tool should be implemented the most.”  Other staff member, Chandrakant ji stated, “I have learnt new word 'empathy'. I thought that sympathy was the only thing we can show to a person. But today I have realized how different it is from empathy and empathy is the thing what we should try to do with people whenever they are in any vulnerable situation.”

Among masses within opinion pulse of public we will gather, uncover, discover

The session on socialization helped them to understand the influence or practice of the messages we receive from the society to define our lifestyle. In this session through an activity they could balance the pressure of the society both on men and women. Saheb ji said, “We only blame men for making a woman’s life terrible. But through this activity hope we all have realized that some injected social norms make situation worse for both men and women. If a woman has to suffer it, the man has to create it, because that’s what they have been trained.”

Let’s make a story…

Session on social power was conducted through activity including drama. In this session they had an in hand experience how predefined social power impacted the fate of decision in a woman’s life and what role it played in a man’s life to perceive things. Santosh quoted, “I have come to this realization point that I have enough capacity to do things, but making the decision to do those, something which was not in me. But I am confident that from now I will work on the access of the power to make decisions for my life which is already in me.”  This session further led to the self reflective session, ‘zones’ which helped them to reflect upon their strength, fear, anxiety. Pooja said, “Today I feel that I too have an identity. It took me time to recognize myself, to acknowledge myself. I am feeling very confident and hopeful now. I want to start working on my shortcomings first.” Pilot ji further added, “I did not know that the shortcomings which had been resisting us, were inside us. We need to focus on ourselves first, and then we would be able to bring change outside.”

We’re opening up a Pandora’s Box. Be careful what you wish for…

ESCA was a session which helped to learn how to implement the understanding of empathy, zones, social power in field work. It was a tool for the behavioral approach. They found it quite convincing and practical. But some of them needed a little more discussion on it to get more clarification on its approach.

On third day we had a discussion on social beliefs, its system and source and how it was emerged in our day to day life. This belief system gave them a glimpse of reality which they unconsciously overlooked in their day to day life. Vrihaspati said, “We receive messages from the society from the very beginning of our life and that's what makes all the differences in one's life- I was not aware of it. I somehow skipped this consciousness. Now everything is crystal clear to me.”  Sahab ji further added, “Whatever I have learnt throughout these three days workshop, I desire to implement those in the society to demonstrate them that the conceptual ideas of the society are far, far away from the reality we deal with.  We can do a lot more than what society thinks we can do, better should do.”

Life is a theatre set in which there are but few practicable entrances…

The entire realization took a completion with gender peace session. It provoked them to think of the world to which they actually wanted to belong. This session had a very reflective activity where they had a reality check on what they dreamt but how they lived. Tara ji stated, “I have learnt empathy, I have learnt the norms of the society and mine as well. I can see a different me now. The activity with toffee was a mirror to me. It reflected the darker side of us that we didn’t mercy anyone when it came to our self interest.”

Over all, this workshop was a successful first step towards gender peace as attendees felt a shift in their mindset end of the workshop. Rajesh ji stated, “My perception towards gender has completely shifted to the other zone now and I can feel it.” Rajkumar added to it saying, “This workshop has been very insightful for me. I have clarity on things now what I keep hearing from my surroundings. Especially this toffee activity was very insightful. I have understood the gender peace concept. 

What we see, hear, we speak…

Whenever we hear sex, gender, we tend to interpret these terms in an aggressive way, but I did not see that approach in this workshop. The term gender peace, equality, what we talked about, truly reflected in this workshop as not a single time facilitator accused males for the situation of the women in the society, rather they tried to empathize the situation (what a man and woman both face in the society).”